Jeff's Novel-Enhancing Products Fall Special

JNEP is getting ahead of the Christmas rush. We want to be the first to take
advantage of you before the other retailers of ill-repute get their mitts on you and shred your bank account. You know very well you’re going to be spending cash you don’t have like crazy during the holiday season so you might as well bankrupt yourself with us.
Put another way, if you’re going to ruin your chances of ever having good credit again, we would like to be the one to help you down that “pathway to hell built on good intentions.”

Don’t wait until the last minute! We’ve all been there before. You know what I mean. It’s the day before Christmas and you think, “Crapola, I gotta get aunt Trudy a present or my name will disappear from her will just as fast as she and that sleazy lawyer of hers can scratch it off.

But I digress.

JNEP would like to offer not one, not two, but three Novel-Enhancing Products for an unbelievably low price. What is our definition of a low price you might ask?
How does 4 easy payments of just $5,000 sound to you?
I know, you’re probably thinking this is some kind of sleazy sales gimmick.
Let me answer this way. Have we ever lied to you before unless it was absolutely necessary? Of course not.
And our same money back guarantee applies. You send the money and it goes in our back pocket.

Seriously now, let’s talk turkey.

You choose three of the following products from the list below and we do the rest:

1. Jeff's Novel- Making Machine

2. Jeff's Novel-Cleansing Machine

3. Jeff's Novel-Reading Glasses

4. Jeff's Novel-Blogging Service

5. Jeff's Novel-Writing Tips

6. Jeff's Novel-Hawking Personnel

7. Jeff's Novel-Enhancing Elixir

8. Jeff's Novel-Blurbing Service

9. Jeff's Novel-Editing Service

10.Jeff's Novel- Writing Awards


See, it's as easy as one, two, three.

Here is what one of our early bird customers who got in on the ground floor of this extraordinary offer had to say:

Dear JNEP,
My wife left me yesterday so I got drunk and somebody stole my wallet with all my stuff in it and ordered a bunch of crap from your place on my credit card.

Is that any way to treat people?

Albert

What a nice surprise for Albert, don't you think?




Operators are standing by. Be sure to tell them which of the three services you want by number. Don't say stuff like, "I want the glasses, the cleansing, and the blurbing." Okay? Say I want a number 3, 2, and 8.

Call 1-800- BIG-DEAL That's 1-800-BIG DEAL

We accept all major credit cards and debit cards if you're not already over your limit.

Cash is accepted if it is addressed to me personally.

Oh, I almost forgot.

* Please don't send me any emails about a reservation for Jeff's Writer's Cruise because it ain't gonna happen. The Ink Blot sunk.

Let's get these phones ringing.


Jeff Neale
President and CEO
Jeff's Novel-Enhancing Products