Saturday, December 3, 2005

Jeff's Novel-Writing Tips

Have you always wanted to be a writer but were afraid to ask how to do it? Are you a published writer bemoaning the fact your books are sitting on the discount clearance rack? Finally, are you sick and tired of buying every Tom, Dick, and Jane’s manual on writing only to find them so complex they leave you feeling like a dangling participle?
If so, then it’s time you bought, JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS.
Yes, that’s right, now for the first time ever, Jeff is offering his tips for becoming the writer you’ve only dreamed about.
Simple and down to earth, JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS were designed to give novice and veteran writers alike the tools they need to shoot their way to the top of the best seller list!

Let’s hear from Teddy, creative writing workshop drop out and an early bird customer of JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS.

“ There was a time when I felt like a total failure when it came to writing. My writing class always had me read my work last for critique so they would have something to laugh about on the way home. I suffered from an inferiority complex so profound I was placed on several different mood altering medications. You can imagine what THAT did for my writing. I had characters that didn’t fit and plots that made no sense. And I don’t even want to talk about grammar. I had to have the computer dude disable the “grammar check” on my laptop because it kept going off nearly every paragraph with some stupid crap.
Then I picked up a copy of “JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS and I’m here to tell you it has revolutionized my writing. This little book cuts through all the in depth analytical garbage you find in so many writing manuals and breaks it down into simple and easily understandable steps for success. Thanks to JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS I feel like a modern day Shakespeare!”

Martha, from Milwaukee writes, “ I came from the old school where the only writing instruction I received was a “rap on the knuckles” with a ruler from an old prune- faced bitty if I misspelled a word or simply left out a quotation mark.
Needless to say, by the time I got out of that writing class from hell, I was so fearful and paranoid I couldn’t have told you the difference between an independent clause and Santa Claus!
JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS changed all that. After the first chapter I could already feel the tension in the muscles of my back and neck begin to relax, and I quit looking over my shoulder every five minutes. Jeff’s tips have given me the knowledge and courage to pursue my career full steam ahead. It’s like manna from heaven.”

The following excerpts are but a small sample of the remarkable advice you’ll find in JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS.

From Chapter 1 on GETTING STARTED

“Make sure you have a typewriter or computer that works.”



“ Make sure your character’s are interesting.”



“Remember, what goes up, must come down.”


And finally, from Chapter 10 on WRITER’S BLOCK

“It’s a myth. Get back to work.”


As you can see, this is no mere gimmick to take your money.

These tips are perfect for people of all ages and mental capabilities!

Be the first writer on your block to take advantage of JEFF’S NOVEL-WRITING TIPS for three easy payments of $1,500. You heard me right, three easy payments of $1,500 and you’ll be on your way to a writing career that rules!

We here at JNEP have never been able to distinguish the difference between shipping and handling. How can you ship something without handling it? Oh, well, just don’t worry about it.

CALL NOW! 1 - 800 - SAY - TIPS That’s 1 - 800 - SAY - TIPS

Operators are standing by 24/7.

As always, all major credit cards are accepted if you are not already over your limit.

NO REFUNDS! After you’ve read the tips it’s not like we can take them back, now can we?


* Remember, if all else fails you can always order JEFF’S NOVEL-MAKING MACHINE.

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